I Am Who I Am

I am who I am

I guess I'm a different person to different people and in different situations. As for who I think I am personally, I guess it changes depending on my moods or who I'm surrounded by or even the time of the day. So I'll describe how I see myself when I'm in different situations or under varying circumstances. It feels weird writing about myself and if I were to write in paragraphs it would be more weird so I'm just going to let this flow without them. To start off, I feel like I am two different JD's when I am with my own family and as I was growing up. My parents have been divorced since I was 4 years old and I grew up in two totally different environments while at my mom's or my dad's. Through my whole life while around my mom, step-dad, and step-brothers and sisters I've always felt like I'm the one the look up to and expect to do big things. I guess when I'm with them I've always felt like I've been the leader, more so I have always felt like instead of me looking to please and make my parents proud, that it has always been my mom trying to please and make my proud. On the contrary, when I am with my dad I feel like an ordinary person with an ordinary family. I've always looked up to my father and he is who I always go to for advice and in my mind he is the wisest person in the world. So when I'm living with him I would describe myself as being an ordinary happy-go-lucky kid that will have his mess ups, but also generally do well. Another situation that I think really changes the type of person I feel about myself is whether I have a girlfriend or not. I've found that generally, when I don't have a girlfriend I feel much more social and to have much more of a connector personality. It also seems to me that I find happiness in many places and much more fun-loving when I'm single. I still have just as much fun and enjoy my life as much when I have a girlfriend, but I find that I depend on that person extremely much and hide part of my personality that normally everyone would see, so that only they can see. It makes me feel comfortable when I have a person that I can share the more funny and carefree side of my personality its like something special I share with them. But, it also worries me that I can't be this way toward other people, which would make me much more sociable and so on. Sometimes as much as I don't want a girlfriend when I have one I just can't end it because I become used to that comfort zone. I could probably write about how I feel about myself for pages and pages, but I'll leave it at those two examples.
I'm not entirely sure what people think about me because I cant read minds or anything, but I can tell you what I think people see me as being. My parents probably see me as being very motivated and eager to be successful in whatever endeavor I pursue. They probably also still see me as the same charming child I was. A significant other would see me as being totally weird and unique. They appreciate my weird since of humor and spontaneity and admire my sincereness. My friends of childhood and high school see me as being a leader that has always been reliable. These have been the guys that have seen me go through many things while growing up and know how well-rounded I am. My friends I've met in college also know how well-rounded I am and also appreciate my randomness. However, I feel that they've yet to see what kind of leader I can be and may think that my personality fluctuates between boring and insane. My college friends also have seen a broad range of JD's considering there aren't places to hide or be unseen within Shorney Hall. Co-workers that I've had see me as a leader and a team player, but probably not as much as a friend. Strangers either think I'm quiet and reserved, or they think I'm outward and fun-loving, depending on my mood during our first impressions. Some people may see me as a tough nut to crack, but those that have taken their time know that I am reliable and good-hearted. To a casual friend I seem very consistent because I don't show much outward emotion, but good friends and family can see through to my vulnerabilities. I like to always display myself the same, almost as if extreme emotion is a weakness, but those who really know me know that I'm typically a happy guy and they can notice it easily when I'm not. Overall, I feel that people respect me, which is precisely what I want.